still 4am

One Monkey climbed on a tree..

Two Monkeys climbed on a tree.

Three Monkeys climbed on a tree. ...

And it is still 4am. It's still 4am and i still can not sleep. For sure, some months ago i would never have problems with my sleep. For sure, then, i would just lie down and fall asleep immediately. But now i can not. I just stare somewhere in the space above me and think, stare and dream awake...

It is not like i have problems with my sleep, i am just scared of what i may dream. For sure, some weeks ago, i would never, ever have that problem. But now i do have it. And i know why. But if i say it out loud what would i change? I won't sleep again. I won't dream again.

As i said, it is not like i have problems with my sleep, i have problems with me, myself and I. You'll say, 'nothing new', and you may be right, but you may be not.

Ten Monkeys climbed on a tree.

Eleven Monkeys climbed on a tree.

Twelve Monkeys climbed on a tree. ...

Still no sleep for me! Still no dream, as well! And i am still as scared as before.

Outside is raining but i could not hear the rain, i could only see the little raindrops, that glisten under the moonlight, which are falling and falling ....

Twenty-four Monkeys climbed on a tree.

Twenty-five Monkeys climbed on a tree.

Twenty-six Monkeys climbed on a tree . ....

And it is still 4am .. the time has stopped long, long time ago. I know. I am counting these Monkeys for ages now and I still could not reach the number when i am going to drop this counting and just move on. I am waitng and counting. Counting the Monkeys, counting the days, weeks, months .. years .. and i am still counting ... and patiently waiting.

Fifty-eight Monkeys climbed on a tree....

And it is still 4am.